Recently, though, I realized that there is nothing wrong with that lovely lady I see in the mirror every day. In fact, she's pretty awesome.
However, there is something seriously wrong with the messages society sends about body image. And the more I observe the way these messages manifest themselves in my own and my peers' attitudes, the more unsettling I find all of it.
I'm always reminded of my high school daze- er, *days- when I was surrounded by the discussions of my peers when it came to our bodies. Everyone wanted to either look like someone else, or criticize someone else based on appearance. But nobody was ever exceedingly happy with their own looks. This is pretty typical of high school students, of course, but it seems like many people don't just "grow out it" (and this isn't their fault whatsoever).
When I was 17, I decided to restrict down to a whopping 200 calories per day. And due to a lack of an understanding of dietary thermogenesis (and, well, nutrition in general), I made sure to walk on the treadmill long enough to burn those calories, and would absolutely not consume any dietary fats. I lost weight steadily and rapidly. I also noticed my hair became brittle, my skin was dull and my eyes appeared sunken in. My nails broke easily, and I was constantly cold, tired and grouchy. I isolated myself socially because I hated to be anywhere around food. And when my parents made me eat an entire bowl of soup and dinner rolls one night, I woke up the next morning having gained 13 pounds (obviously not likely to have been 13 pounds of fat, but it goes to show how desperate my body was to hold onto weight of any sort).
But you know what people were constantly telling me? "Wow, have you lost weight? You look so good!". Always, I was reassured that I looked good- all because I lost weight. This only encouraged more disordered behavior and thinking, which took years to break out of.
When I began to eat enough calories to actually survive again, my body was prepared to store all of that. After that weight rebound, I felt like I looked awful. Despite the fact that I looked ten times healthier and actually had the energy to function, I no longer was that size that everyone assured me I looked so fantastic at. I know nobody meant anything bad, but it still strikes me as odd just how deluded our perspectives are. Someone can walk around appearing to be the complete opposite of vibrantly healthy and happy- yet, if they've lost weight... Well, that's just perfect, right?
And for a young girl who is not yet confident in who she is, this can be extremely detrimental to her mindset. These thoughts became deeply ingrained, and I subconsciously attached my self-worth to my appearance. I desperately wanted to be accepted and approved of by others, and I didn't want others to talk negatively about my body.
Yet, I've come to realize there will always be people who don't approve of something I'm doing or saying, or the way that I look. That really doesn't matter anymore, though. I can't control what others think of me just by controlling my weight. The most important thing is confidence and happiness within myself. As long as I have that, people really can't take it away with unkind words. As I grow into my own person, other people's words become less significant each day. Acceptance and approval of myself is far more important than getting the acceptance or approval of those who will never have to walk a mile in my shoes.
I've also come to realize that weight loss is relatively easy (short-term, that is). However, accepting yourself in a world that is constantly bombarding you with messages that who you are isn't good enough can be extremely challenging. I have to think that maybe if we all shifted our focus to self-love and a desire to feed and move our bodies for optimal health, we might actually have a radical shift in the way we view not only ourselves, but each other as well. We might foster the sort of environment where people would feel comfortable openly talking about their struggles with their own body image. Where they don't feel judged for their eating habits or their weight. This could lead to healthier habits, healthier mindsets, and happier people. Because honestly, if shaming people into being healthy worked, we all would be healthy. It takes a certain amount of love and respect for yourself to want to give yourself the best nourishment possible. In my experience, this kind of love and respect is life-changing.
Call it a pipe dream, but I'd say it has some potential. :)
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